A little girl in pain...

i don't know why but i think today it was a very bad luck for me. i had a terrible moment this evening.

i bumped into my ex. to my surprise, he actually lied to me all this while. everything didn't work between us not because he was not capable of having family in future. not because he was sick. but he cheated on me. i just could watch in pain and shame how the girl who i used to respect as his 'big sister' walking away with him. i was ashamed of myself and my friends. all this while, i pushed myself to let the feeling for him go because i didn't want him suffer. i let it go for his happiness. and because he asked me to and i obeyed him. leaving someone when you love him is the hardest thing to do.he seemed to be puzzled to see me at first. perhaps because i finally knew the truth and the girl just smiled. sarcastically..

my heart crashed. totally. i could never bear such pain anymore. my heart's been wounded. enough with the betrayal... my friends asked me just to give the girl a lesson or two. i refused and went into the ladies. i knew nothing could be done because he was no longer mine. i cried silently. angry at myself for being too soft. but itz just me. i can't help it. i don't know how to express my anger. i don't know how to confront others. i don't want to fight.

after the incident i tried to reach out for someone.perhaps for protection and comfort.. but i should've known it was no use. it just hurt me even worse and so much deeper. now i realize that i should stay away from falling in love. i know it's so wrong to do that but i just need some time to heal my heart. i wanna love a man again. but i don't know when...i really learn to love a man in a very hard way... 

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