Friday 28 October 2011

Izinkanlah aku bersujud kepadaMu

Di saat aku termenung
Tika ini
Saat ini
Menitipkan pandangan 
Pada langit yang terbentang luas
Memuji kebesaran Ilahi

Dia-Allah yang Maha Esa, penciptanya
Pencipta segala yang ada
Betapa aku sedar
Diriku bergelumang dengan dosa
Kerna kealpaanku
Kerna keangkuhanku

Mataku teralih ke bumi
Menangkap sekumpulan jiwa muda
Yang sedang bergelak ketawa
Aku dulu juga begitu
Kerna nafsu dan cinta dunia
Akhirnya aku tewas
Aku rebah dalam dakapan seorang Adam
Aku lemas dalam bisikan harta benda
Aku tersungkur dalam lembah hina

Kini
Setiap detik jantungku berdetak
Diselubungi rasa kekesalan
Yang akan kubawa sehingga nafas terakhir

Namun aku percaya
Allah itu Maha Kaya
Kaya dengan kemaafan dan kasih sayang
Kepadanya aku bentangkan sejadah
Lidah menutur al-Fatihah
Rukuk dan sujud
Menitiskan mutiara jernih
Tika menghulurkan taubat kepadaNya

Astaghfirullah...
Aku berdosa kepadaMu, ya Allah...

Sebelum aku menutup mata
Sebelum aku mengucapkan selamat tinggal pada dunia
Sebelum tubuhku berbalut putih 
dibawa ke liang lahad
Sebelum talkin dibaca
Sebelum Malaikat datang bertanya

Izinkanlah aku untuk bersujud kepadaMu
Allah yang Maha Esa...





Wednesday 26 October 2011

to someone who used to be mine...

To someone who used to be mine for not so long,

Lord has answered my prayer
To see you again though in a different atmosphere
I'm glad that you are doing well now
Though I cannot tell
Though i just can smile at you from the distance
I thought I'd never see you again
Before we diverge on a different route

I wonder if love is still left deep in our hearts
Or has the hatred engulfed us for all this while
I wonder if we can continue the story that we once wrote together
I wonder if we can say words that we once spoke to one another
But I never have the strength to tell you the truth
I keep walking on this path after we said goodbye
But at the same time I always look back to see
If you would follow me from behind
I never have the courage to say to you
I still care about you
And I miss you...

Monday 24 October 2011

My short sory for assignment - Hope

Another assignment that we were asked to write a short story for that subject. i wrote it by myself within two days and thank God could finish it asap.huhu.. ^_^

Hope

The sound of thunder woke her up. She saw the window of the room was widely open. Her lady in waiting had forgotten to shut it properly. Quickly, she got up from bed and closed the window. Outside it began to rain. The night looked different. No star could manage to shine through the thick black clouds. Suddenly, there was a knocking on the door. She wondered what urgent matter brought them to see her in the middle of the night. Her lady in waiting was standing there with a man. She quickly gave him a courtesy bow.
            “What’s the matter, my Lord?” she asked in a puzzled but polite tone. She was yet to recover from the surprise of the loud thunder. Percy did not quickly reply. He gave a sign to the lady in waiting to leave and she did. Then he looked back at her. Straight into the eyes.
            “Hester, Edward’s dead. He’s murdered,” slowly Percy told her.

Years passed by. The old, gigantic grandfather clock at the living room was striking twelve times. Hester was still lying on her bed with trains of thoughts in mind. It was Sunday. The fourth anniversary of Edward’s death. He was found murdered in his room in House of Countville. Surprisingly, after the investigation was carried out, Edward’s cousin- Baron Gent was convicted with the murder. Based on significant evidence, he finally admitted to the evil. His reason was that he did not want Edward to be made a Count by the King. He did not want his cousin to be his superior. Every time thinking of it, Hester could not help rather than considered it as a very foolish deed yet had caused misery. Half past twelve, her lady in waiting came to inform that Percy would like to have a ride with her that evening.
            Hester rode on her horse slowly through the bushes. It was spring and the flowers had started blooming. In a distance, she could see vast fields of green spread as far as eyes could see. The trees, too, were shading and cooling. She could even smell the freshness of air as she took a deep, slow breath. She closed her eyes and tried to engulf the feeling of emptiness inside her. After Edward passed away, Hester could feel nothing but loneliness. He was the one who could make her smile or laugh. Reddening the scar just above her upper lip. A scar that stretched to her left cheek. A remark that left her a memory of her mad-driven father trying to slash her. She did not know what had got into her father that day. She was just ten back then. But they said her father was furious after finding out that her mother had committed adultery and she was not his. That night her father tried to banish her but her mother got into the way and was stabbed to death before her father himself took his own life. She was later adopted by her aunt Baroness Marie since she was living alone after her husband Baron Philip was killed in a battlefield.
            “I never thought you would come, Hester,” a voice softly touched her eardrum. She opened her eyes and turned. It was Percy. The prince flashed a smile.
            “I’m always at your service, my Lord,” Hester gave a bow. For a moment she wondered why Percy had asked her out. The prince did not seem to ever bother about the throne. He would rather let his brother to be by his father, the King and he used to say he loved to be a free man. But he would be there if the King needed him. He just did not find life in the castle amusing. That was what he mentioned at least. They got off from the horses and sat under a shady tree near a crystal-clear-watered pond.
            “I heard that you seldom go out for some air,” Percy said.
            “I’m not feeling well. I’d rather be on bed for some rest,” Hester replied.
            “It won’t do you good if you choose to stay in grief as long as you want. Life but comes and goes. Edward has been long gone. You should know by now,” Percy’s voice lowered when it came to mentioning Edward’s name. Hester was taken aback. She looked at Percy in disbelief.
            “He was my fiancĂ©, my Lord. And was a best man of yours I reckon. How could I let him go from my mind so easily?” Hester could hear the anger in her words. Realizing that she had been too much, she quickly asked for forgiveness and remained silent. Even Percy did not utter a word. Looking past the beautiful flowers and bees were buzzing around petals. Hester slowly put her fingers on the scar on her left cheek. It would be more enjoyable to have Edward to ride together with them. Like they used to be in good old days. Edward never seemed to be bothered by her imperfection when others would smirk every time when they saw her scar. She was on top of the world when he announced their engagement after a dinner at House of Countville.
            “Those flowers look beautiful, don’t they?” Percy took her off her thoughts. She did not say anything but simply looked at the blooming buds. The prince was true. Percy smiled again. But this time, that smile took her by surprise. It was something she used to see in Edward’s. It was out of sincere. Eventually she could feel her cheek turn hot and she quickly looked away. Then suddenly, a hand touched her cheek gently. She was surprised and turned back to the prince. At this time, a soft kiss touched her lips. She was stunned. Numbness began to creep her veins in a blink of eyes. What did Percy just do?
            “I never thought that he would tell me that he was going to propose you after the dinner,” Percy said as he looked deep into her eyes. She gulped as her heart was beating fast.
            “I should’ve told you from the very first day those three words that would change our life forever. But Edward was such a quick man. As he always was,” he shrugged as if it was out of regret.
            “But I knew I couldn’t let him down by getting into his way. He was so thrilled when you responded well to his intention. So I prefer to simply stay behind and let all the goodness for I’ve promised to ensure that you won’t be left alone and be happy,” Percy said again.
Hester did not know how she should respond. Her feelings were mixed. She quickly got up and took her horse and mounted it without turning her head. She galloped as fast as she could as she could reach home. That night she could not lay head asleep. What Percy did and said kept haunting her. It was true that Percy was always there for her. The prince was her childhood companion and was very close to her even before she met Edward. The prince was the one who helped her gained justice for Edward. Yet he never asked for anything to be rewarded. He never asked about her scar. He never did. He was just there. Looking after her in silence. But how could she move on? By leaving all Edward’s memory behind? She tried to compose herself but eventually found herself being accompanied by her lady-in-waiting.
“What do you think of the prince?” suddenly she blurted out. Her lady-in-waiting looked at her as if she was asking when the sky was about to fall down.
The next day, Hester went to see Percy but was informed that he had gone out to the park where they went the day before. She headed there. In a distance, she could see the man was throwing stones into the pond. Noticing her appearance, Percy looked bewildered. But she just smiled.
             

               

When He Said Goodbye

Actually i did this poem for my Creative Writing Skills assignment.hehe 

When He Said Goodbye

The rain running wild,
The sky was dark,
The pain deep inside,
The tears were in the heart.

There was no word,
For the voice would break,
There was no step,
The poor feet would take.

That body was standing there,
Soaking wet in the rain,
Going nowhere,
She started crying in vain.

The eyes simply could see
The heart could only wonder why,
When he set her free,
After saying to her ‘Goodbye’.

Saturday 22 October 2011

Things that fascinate me

There are many things that impress me in this world. i'll try to list as many as i can.hehe

1. How we live everyday life.
We get up in the morning, do things in the afternoon and evening. then we go to sleep at night. in between, there are so many incidents we encounter with- meeting new people as we walk along the road and we begin to build bond with them. we learn new things especially through observation and imitation. we'll observe people and how they behave which, in turn, gives us perception about life. be it positive or negative, it depends on  how we perceive the world and how we've been cultured. but one thing for sure- we grow every second we live.

2. Philosophy & Psychology
I am always interested in philosophy and psychology. These two fields help me understand life and surroundings better. they give me insights that there is no absolute answer because we, human, are different individuals. as an individual, we have our own words and opinions. that's what makes us live and behave differently from one another.

3. Language & Culture
i've been trying to be open to other cultures and languages. for me, races don't matter. what differ us is the religion or belief. yet, the difference is not for us to be rivals. yes, there may be lots of contradictions but respect each other should be practiced. but i doubt if some can do so...(well, we are not perfect)

4. Ballet
ah-ha! i love this part and yet i wonder if i still can learn it at this age.huhu...the gracefulness of a ballerina really motivates me. seeing them makes me want to expose more of the feminine side of me. the gentleness and fragility..oh, really inspires me that i've been watching 'Black Swan' for times and can't help of being jealous of natalie portman.lol...(guess i'll send my daughter instead one day if she likes it)


5.Piano
Emm...i'm thinking of taking class on piano lesson. need to wait until i start working and earn my own money.but i do know that my mom will totally object this idea so i ought to do it in secret.hehe (i'm always be the one who breaks the familiy tradition.sigh...)

6. Books
i LOVE reading! currently am reading 'a doctor in the house; the memoirs of tun mahathir' and about to finish it ^_^ books help you travel across the boarder and time without money. life as a student, i often  find myself being broke.lol..so, by reading, it's the only way i can escape from my little room and travel into another world. i love biographies but you should try to be open and not biased when dealing with this type of creative writing.


7. First Lady
i always wonder how it feels to be a wife of a leader of a country. must be so many great challenges you have to face.i wanna be a devoted wife to a good man, standing behind him when he's leading, knowing that we are worth to each other.


there are things things that stay in my favourite list. well, i think they should stay where they are now for the time being ^_^

i woke up diz morning with a weird feeling.haha..weird...

btw, i'd like to start my day with blessing to Allah. alhamdulilah, praise for Allah, He gives me strength and rational mind to act appropriately after what happened. holding grudge over men won't make me happy. but what does is that i should change myself- my ATTITUDE. some might say there's nothing wrong with me. but i do believe there is.it's just that i don't realize what it is. Allah says He won't change any one unless he changes first. it's true. blaming others won't solve the problem especially when it is about our life. We should see that when we're pointing a finger to others, actually three fingers are pointing back at us. so, check ourselves first before we do anything. but it's not that we have to surrender and let people do us bad. if we're right, stand our ground.

one thing i realize- FAITH - is very vital in one's life. regardless of any religion, we should believe that there is a Creator. the One and Only. i find myself calm and happy when i improve my relationship with Him. He's the only One whom i could pour out my feelings to, be it sadness, anger, or disappointment. then i begin to realize that i've done so much wrong to Him and this time i need to pay back. i need to believe that He still loves me despite of what's happening. He wants me to remember Him.

so, for those who are in greater obstacles in life, deep down in a well of sadness, please don't give up. taking our own life is not the last resort although we feel that we have nothing left in us. though we feel ourselves are useless. there are still many, even a lot of options we can make. pray to Him and He always listens to us. yes, life is about making the RIGHT decision. but there is always ROOM for IMPROVEMENT. to err is human.it's normal to make mistake and we learn lesson though in a hard way. that's how we grow up and become matured.because it is a world where we can LIVE, LOVE and LEARN.

p/s: i'm feeling better after writing this as though i'm telling myself to be strong and remember that i'm not alone. Allah is always by my side. praise to Him, Allah the Greatest ^_^

Friday 21 October 2011

a cute hamster at hairul.com

i'm getting happier now.hehe ^_^ btw, came across a blog just now- hairul.com. he has kept a cute little hamster at the right side with a note 'don't feed it too much k.' it's so adorable that i can't stop feeding it.(sorry mr.hairul) though i'm quite scared if it'll suddenly turn into a BIG MONSTROUS rat.huhu...just like what happened yesterday. i read a link on this blog asking if we can notice anything weird about a girl in a picture. and while we are actually trying to focus, suddenly the picture quickly zooms in to the girl's mouth which it becomes horrible. showing you her bloody teeth!eww.. i was at that time talking to my mom on the phone and luckily i didn't scream out of shock.what the...lol

MyJobStreet - JobStreet English Language Assessment

MyJobStreet - JobStreet English Language Assessment

Thursday 20 October 2011

Garou - Stand Up

Ok,today i'm feeling better. i gotta do something new.emm...i'm thinking of sharing tips on my blog.hehe...some improvement. i think i shouldn't let the hatred and sadness bring me down. it's time to move on though i'm going to regret so many things in life now. but how to overcome it?i have to start appreciating what i have now and become a really free girl.or a lady (preferably).hehe... i've learnt my lesson and now i'm going to let everything go. what is past is past.let's be somebody. this a world where you can live and learn.and of course to love again.o Lord, please give strength..

recovering..

i'm still in grief. but thank God, i managed to minimize the litre of tears i cry every day.perhaps cuz was so bz with assignments. but these coming weeks without classes will make a difference. well, i try to engulf myself with books and prayers. only He knows what's all in my heart and only to Him can i pour all the sadness. Only He can make me smile and laugh. now i'll feel guilty if i get to know a guy though as a friend. but the truth is that it is fear.i can't do nothing. i'm just helpless..

ya Allah..berikanlah aku kekuatan. Janganlah Engkau menghukumi diriku sebegini rupa..Janganlah Engkau biarkan aku bersendirian... 

Tuesday 18 October 2011

i dunno what to write. feel like more to expressing feelings particularly heart broken. i've been dumped again.sigh...
now i'm finally drained. all my affection towards a guy is gone. yet i cannot condemn them for being heart breakers. i don't have that kind of thinking. but the truth is i'm completely empty. all my dreams and hopes are now gone.i want to stop loving a man. even thinking about marriage. i know this is so wrong. i don't have any choice rather than being single and focus on myself. i'm scared of getting hurt again because you will realize how lonely you will be when there is no one around for you. it just makes u become more aware of that feeling. the more you are aware of it, the more haunting it will be. i just wanna have a rest..waiting for the wound to be healed..i'm tired..i'm really tired...really am...
It's been a long time since i haven't updated my blog. many things had happened but mostly sad ones. i dunno..even now i'm feeling down..